peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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