Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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