i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
