I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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