fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
