He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
