there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
