party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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