If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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