I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
