just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
