I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
