The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
