I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
