half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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