Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its not stalking. its research.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
