so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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