we have pet lesbian snakes
...so i touched it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
