We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
