The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
