new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
