he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
