Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
