You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
