I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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