yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Two words: blizzard sex
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
FUCK WHALES
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
