I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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