I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
