fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
