i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I AM VODKA MAN
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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