Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
