dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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