Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
