I just pynch a tree in the face
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
someone owes me an orgasm
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize