I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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