the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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