is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
