Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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