You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
