weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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