mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
