Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize