the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
