happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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