Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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