I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
another moral hangover. fuck.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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