The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
