PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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