Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
