...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
