Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
