You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
