Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
