They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
