He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
