He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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