i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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