you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
