You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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