You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
