you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
