By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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