I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
