oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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