your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
