She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
