Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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