She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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