life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
