but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
