i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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