maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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