Fuck appropriateness.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
