i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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