Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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