I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize